Five Myths About Sex That Make Our Lives Harder

Five Myths About Sex That Make Our Lives Harder

The following summary is based on the findings of Rachel Hills, who has been exploring sexual topics for nearly a decade. In her book, The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality, she writes about myths, legends, and misconceptions related to sex. Let’s take a look at what she found!

If You Don’t Have Tons of Sex When You’re Young, Something’s Wrong with You

Hills herself once felt that everyone but her was attending wild orgies or, at the very least, getting involved in steamy sexual encounters daily or every other day. Hills, who lost her virginity only after her college years, points out that a study found college students have significantly less sex than people generally think.

According to a survey from New York University, while 72% of college students have some kind of relationship before graduation, 40% said they had only been with three or fewer people during their college years, and only one-third had engaged in sex in these encounters. Every fifth college student reported having no sexual encounters during this period at all.

There’s Something Wrong with Your Sex Life

Hills spoke to numerous young people from Canada, the U.S., and the U.K. The common theme in these interviews was that all of them felt their sex lives were somehow “not normal.” Some struggled to reach orgasm, others felt they weren’t having enough sex, while others were interested in specific kinks or felt deviant due to their LGBTQI identity. The main point is that none of them felt like they were “doing it right.” Hills believes that media plays a major role in amplifying this insecurity, as most films and series — with a few admirable exceptions — only portray a very narrow slice of sexuality.

“In an ideal world, people shouldn’t feel ashamed of their sexuality, nor fear being labeled as too ‘slutty,’ ‘weird,’ or too prudish,” Hills said. “If we could lift that burden off our shoulders, we’d feel much less shame about our decisions.”

Hollywood Tells You You’re Not Sexy Enough

Hills also highlights that people who don’t fit Hollywood’s beauty standards are often assumed to have duller sex lives. “Sex is a kind of expression of our physical attractiveness, but it’s also about how we relate to those around us,” said the expert. To shake off these standards, we need self-reflection and a more critical approach to sexual messages, and we need to see clearly how much they influence our reality.

Men Don’t Worry About Sex

Hills, who considers herself a feminist, believes it’s important to acknowledge that societal expectations of men can also be oppressive, whether related to erection issues or sexual performance.

“Since heterosexual men are practically absent from public discussions on sexuality, there’s little attention given to the expectations they face when it comes to sex.” According to her, preconceived notions about masculinity and sexuality limit and confuse men just as much as they do women, making it common for men to also fall prey to similar myths.

Sexual Dysfunction Is the Woman’s Fault

After sexual performance-enhancing drugs like Viagra became a multi-billion-dollar market, there’s been a growing demand for similar “quick fixes” for women’s sexual problems. Hills argues that this trend often reduces women’s sexual issues, such as difficulties reaching orgasm, to simple health problems without considering their psychological or emotional roots.

The author suggests approaching this topic with sensitivity and humor, as being able to laugh about such issues brings us halfway to dealing with them.