How Can You Know for Sure That You’re in Love?

Love manifests differently across cultures and societies. Here’s how you can find out what you’re truly feeling.

According to the official definition, love is a deep and powerful emotion that binds us more strongly to another person than simple affection. Different cultures and social contexts define it in various ways, and since every person is unique, each of us experiences this state somewhat differently.

With that in mind, it’s no wonder that you might sometimes feel uncertain about what you’re actually experiencing. Below, we’ll explore several perspectives on love - but before you get completely confused, an expert will help you gain clarity about yourself.

Beyond the Ego - or Changing Partners?

As the above suggests, love is something hard to define. Nevertheless, philosophers, spiritual leaders, and scientists have all tried to explain it.

No Desire to Possess

Eckhart Tolle, the well-known spiritual teacher, says that love truly means the transcendence of the ego. According to him, for the ego, loving and wanting are the same thing. The ego singles someone out, makes them special - but only to use them to cover up its own dissatisfaction, anger, and hatred. True love - and therefore true romantic love - has no desire, no need to possess or change the other person.

Its Object May Constantly Change

Osho described love as a feeling that keeps you connected, but not bound by obligation - something that can flow freely and without limits, though its object may constantly change. The controversial Indian mystic considered “relationships” a kind of fixed, limiting state, essentially a more sophisticated form of slavery. “Yesterday I was in love with you. But that was yesterday!” he reportedly said.

The Scientific View

According to a more realistic scientific explanation, love is merely the sum of chemical and biological processes that serve the purpose of reproduction. It can be divided into three phases, depending on which chemicals are active at the time.

In the first phase, desire is generated by increased production of estrogen and testosterone.
The second phase, attraction, is driven by dopamine, noradrenaline, or adrenaline - these are responsible for classic “symptoms” of love, such as sweaty palms, rising blood pressure, and a faster heartbeat.
Serotonin, often called the “happiness hormone,” also plays a key role, as it creates the actual feeling of love.
In the third phase, these effects are partly replaced by attachment, which is linked to vasopressin - this hormone ensures long-term bonding.

Poets See It Differently, Too

Naturally, love has been a timeless theme in poetry - from ancient times to the present day. The ancient Greeks traced this incomparable feeling back to the gods - not as a reward, but as punishment for past transgressions.
“Eros struck me harshly with his fiery hammer, then plunged my heart into icy water,” wrote Anacreon.

In ancient Rome, arranged marriages were common, so love poems were usually addressed not to legal spouses, but to lovers.

Medieval poetry includes both the troubadours’ songs - celebrating unattainable ladies raised to ethereal heights while contrasting love with marriage, sometimes with a touch of earthiness - and the timeless sonnets of Petrarch and Shakespeare.
As time went on, the abundance of voices only grew more bewildering: Shelley, Goethe, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Yesenin, and many others continue to speak for us even today.

How Do You Know You’re in Love?

“I can’t stop thinking about them…” Of course, that kind of constant preoccupation is one of love’s hallmarks - but if you truly want to understand what’s going on inside you, the following signs (identified by anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and other experts) can help you.

You’re Interested in Their Whole Personality

Beyond physical desire, you’re fascinated by how the other person thinks and feels. If so, Cupid’s arrow has likely struck - because love isn’t just about physical attraction, even though that part also matters.

You Love Their Flaws, Too

Were you drawn to certain features or traits - even ones you normally wouldn’t find appealing, yet in their case you do? That’s a sign it’s love, not just a fleeting infatuation.

You Fantasize - Not Just Sexually

Pay attention to how often you daydream about them. Research shows that love becomes serious when at least 40% of a person’s thoughts revolve around the object of their affection - and not only in a sexual sense, but also about their character, actions, and life in general.

Your Soul Is Growing

Reflect on whether and how you’ve changed. True love brings out the best in us - it makes us want to become worthy of the one we love, and in doing so, our soul becomes nobler.
When you are truly in love, you become goodness, beauty, and ultimately, love itself.